Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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