Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize