Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
