I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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