We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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