Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
In America we eat man semen.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
