did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
These tits shall not be calmed
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
