Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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