You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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