the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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