Did you just see the Batmobile???
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Randomize
