just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
