I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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