Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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