I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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