i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
