I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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