My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
