its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
