But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
