the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
