i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize