the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Someone came in the potted fern
Randomize
