I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
