I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
