I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
