I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
