he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Boobs are out for the taking
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
