Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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