My brain says no but my pants say off.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
