sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
