just tell him i said nine months
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm like, not good at living.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
