I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
