your parents love me but you hate me
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
