Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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