Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
