I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize