so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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