Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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