I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
