I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
