Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
