It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Randomize
