Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
