You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
