hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you would pick up someone in the library
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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