I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
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