I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
