because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
