I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize