And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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