I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
