Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
