Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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