At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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