don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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