Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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