If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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