I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
