She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
