I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
