You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
