Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
