Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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