dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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