I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
