I just threw up on my dentist
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i used baking grease as lip gloss
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
All I want is dick and wine.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
