I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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