I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
