Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
