Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
