I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
