Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
