Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Randomize
