remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize