I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
