the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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