So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
did you just send me my own nude
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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