I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
please come you make the beer taste better
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
