Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
