I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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