Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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