Sry I called you an 8
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
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