Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Randomize
