dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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