I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
