The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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