Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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