Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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