No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
