i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
