Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
