I'm laying in your front yard are you home
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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